it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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