Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
