The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
