He uses pillows to masturbate.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There r osticjed everywhere
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
