I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
