You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
