I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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