So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
