Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
