I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
