Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We got so high we made milksteak
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
