We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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