We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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