I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She's the barista slut.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
