Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
