You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
