singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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