I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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