if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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