we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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