I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
