Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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