I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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