her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
