sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
