Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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