I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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