I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
