youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
