you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
