he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Bring me that man meat
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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