If i come over, it means nothing
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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