i permit you to call me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
