pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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