Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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