Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
