That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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