wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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