More tranny stories later!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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