Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
