I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
