its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I AM VODKA MAN
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
