Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
