Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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