So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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