Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
