I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
