So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
