The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
