You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
