Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
