What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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