my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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