ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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