I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
