if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
