I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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